Jokes for your weekend

What’s the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

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Four hockey fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different team, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans of their hockey team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.

They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Canadiens fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, “This is for the Great Montreal Canadiens!” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Edmonton Oilers fan threw himself off the mountain shouting “This is for the Oilers!”

Seeing this, the Ottawa Senators fan walked over and shouted, “This is for everyone!” and pushed the Toronto Maple Leafs fan off the side of the mountain.

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Two boys were playing hockey at an outdoor arena when one is attacked by a Pitbull. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck. A reporter who was walking by saw the incident, and rushed over to interview the boy!

“Calgary Flames fan saves friend from vicious animal,” he starts writing in his notebook.

“But I’m not a Flames fan,” the boy replied.

“Edmonton Oilers fan rescues friend from horrific attack,” the reporter starts again.

“I’m not a Oilers fan either,” the boy said.

“Then what are you?” the reporter asked.

“I’m a Maple Leafs fan.”

The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Redneck idiot kills family pet.”

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